Last Friday was judgement day. I had to sit my test for graduate school, and my car had to sit an M.O.T. Although my car failed, I passed. With 152 for verbal, 148 for maths and a daily £3 bus fare, it could definitely be worse. For the past three weeks my pie chart entitled life areas has been a little unbalanced. “It’s a truth universally acknowledged that the moment one area of your life starts going great, another falls spectacularly to shit.” It’s always good to quote Bridget Jones in life. In attempting to balance the time I put into various areas of life, I decided it was a good idea to work out what I would do if I were a Sim. Naturally.

Often, people struggle with changing moods; we regularly have to assess why we are feeling a little off. We should make like Sims and tackle our mood bars. The Sims’ bars fall into categories such as energy, social and comfort. Moods go from green to red without assistance. When Sims are tired, they simply nod off for a couple of minutes. Sims don’t need to worry about what happens if you fall asleep in the library and wake up with dribble on your books. For the record, I was a very tired fresher and I used a make-up wipe to clean said book. I’m not sorry. When Sims are exhausted, they promptly fall to the floor and sleep. When Sims are extremely uncomfortable, socially-deprived or bored, they ask for help by shouting in an unknown language and waving their arms in the air. I’ve tried this several times but it doesn’t always work. In actual life, Red hygiene or bladder bars are hopefully slightly easier to deal with.

Sims’ relationships with other Sims are not quite as varied. Do we have percentage bars in real life? As a Sim gets to know another Sim, the percentage bar increases in accordance with their compatibility. Whether family, friends or more, the percentage bar is there to monitor progress. There are skills involved in maintaining the percentage; if you don’t call a Sim or invite them over for days the bar drops. Friendships and relationships require time and effort; even if your mood bars aren’t up to it. If a Sim tries to take a friendship to the next level and the percentage isn’t high enough, the Sim gets a slap. When a Sim cheats on or hurt another Sim, the percentage drops to minus numbers. In order to retrieve the percentage the Sim needs to begin from scratch. This is an area where humans can learn from Sims. Sims can only get married or pregnant once they’ve fallen in love; another mechanism that would be useful for humans. However, I’m inclined to point out that love is based on repeatedly calling somebody up, inviting them over and sharing your interests. Also, Sims give birth after three days.

Being human is probably better. When you repeatedly action your Sim to clean it’s teeth and it results in ignoring you to play the piano, you realise this. Sims only have one life aspiration, such as romance or family. In retrospect, my pie chart is doing just fine.