So this week has been terribly exciting; largely spent with my electric blanket and copious amounts of chocolate. I know, move over Bridget. After one night out on Saturday it seems my 22-year old self now takes slightly longer to recover. Combine this with deadlines being fired at you like the D-day scene in Saving Private Ryan; the obvious resulting choices involve food and hibernation. This all made me think of hotel rooms. I have no idea why, but that I guess, is the beauty of having an untitled column.

Just a little observation; relationships are like hotel rooms. There is nothing better than the feeling of staying in a hotel room, as opposed to your everyday bedroom. It’s exotic, it’s the height of comfort, it caters for your every need and you can leave it and return back to your own bedroom whenever you wish, the concierge will take your luggage for you.

No vacancy. Many hotel rooms are already booked. With the rising population, this is getting to be more of an issue. They are incredibly expensive, is what you get worth it? Isn’t the comfort of your own bed okay? You own it. There will be no surprise hair in the bed, or wrong complimentary shower gel. In your own bedroom you can be yourself, and you won’t get any feedback from someone who you hold in high esteem. Is feedback a good thing? Do you fill out your hotel review forms?

 Do not Disturb. These hotel rooms, they’re already taken and shouldn’t be playing away. Either there’s a happy guest or they’re so trashed from the last visit, that they need a quick visit from the maid. If only rehab could sort you out that quickly. That awkward time when the maid misses the Do not Disturb sign, an embarrassing one, uncompensated but over in a second. She won’t tell your partner, she will restore your room to its’ original state and nobody need ever know. Really you’re just cheating yourself, if you’re not happy in your hotel room; don’t be afraid to look for one that suits you better.

 Vacant. Easy; open. Run in, use it and leave again. Pay the bill on your way out, someone has to fix the room. Who’s your maid? Your sister? Your best friend? Your counselor? There are those that don’t have maids. Someone comes into your hotel room and trashes it. Imagine if there was no time between check-out and check-in. Rebounds never work. The room would become derelict; the hotel company would refurbish it. Haircuts work better than rebounds.

Nobody likes a 1 star hotel. It’s important to look after yourself, right? So that people will visit the hotel. Throughout life there will be those who stay long term, but even then understand, the money always runs out at some point. Even the richest banker staying in the penthouse will have to go one day; either through heart failure, or the discovery of an equally good hotel in a better location.

Me? I prefer my own room. Shut the door, climb into your sheets and no-one will disturb you. If you stay alone, there’s no mess for the maid to clean up. That being said, when I find a 5-star hotel that won’t break the bank, I’ll stay. Relationships are great when you’ve got a person that suits you; time and circumstances don’t impact as much as people think. When you find the house that’s suited to you, that’s when you move out of the hotel.