> More mutual friends than real mates? Status updated more regularly than your underwear? It’s probably time to take a look at your relationship with Facebook.
Facebook seems to have devoured our lives. I’ve reached the pathetic point of speaking in its language, saying ‘mutual friend’ more than I normally ever would.
Then you’ve got the planning status syndrome (PSS). If anything slightly interesting happens I’ll take a mental note to remind myself to put it in my next status (this realisation was literally the lowest point of my life). Over 500 million people depend on the site, even with the list of flaws which have each slowly crept out of the woodwork ever since that fateful first log in.
Firstly, you have the friends. Princeton dictionary defines the term ‘friend’ as a ‘person you know well and regard with affection and trust’. In the Facebook world, I have 380 ‘bestest’ friends of which no more than 100 of these would fit into that category. The rest have gradually been collected from tagging needs and ‘friend of a friend’ duties. Why do we feel the need to add people after meeting them once, probably under the influence of a Jaeger-bomb or four, never aiming to get to know them, but just letting them hold dust on our friend shelf?
Think about your mass of Facebook friends, would you invite all of them out for a drink or even just call for a chat? Probably not. But, you are privileged enough to get front row seats to their life, knowing every personal and inappropriate detail. You lucky thing you.
Which leads me onto my next Facebook faux pas, the beloved status updates. In fairness, status’ can be entertaining. Ridiculously public relationship break-up’s are golden- especially when the mums get involved. Otherwise, you have the ridiculously public pregnancies; not as golden… more sickening. Maybe it’s my rough middle class background, but I have witnessed six pregnancies, all thanks to Facebook, about girls I hardly know. I knew how far along they were, the outcome of doctor’s appointments and whenever ‘OMG, the baby kicked!’.
I just don’t give a shit, and wonder why their warped minds think I do. I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of ‘statusees’. The ones who want to be liked and the ones who want to be commented on. Liked is the little thumbs up that represents a shared opinion or new found respect for such hilarity to be created, i.e.: ‘Kanye West loves lamp’. Anchorman is cool, making Kanye cool, so if you admire Kanye’s clear coolness, your little thumbs up will be heading his way.
Then you have the comment hungry users like: ‘Taylor Swift doesn’t know what to do anymore’. This would initiate a ripple effect of care and worry from her friends. Beyonce would be there leaving a loving note just to comfort poor Taylor. In either type of ‘statusee’, one thing is clear: we all want a reaction. Has Facebook just provided an excuse for us to release the attention seeking brat from within?
Facebook is a major element to everyday life for a huge proportion of our demographic. I suppose I just need to accept that… in no way like a friend request.