So after joking about crying over books last week (or actually crying on one occasion in my flat), I found myself crying three very real times this week. In the library. In public. Whilst I wish I was exaggerating, anybody undertaking a dissertation whilst attempting to do anything else with life will fully understand. One of the things I learnt this week is that people need sleep. Apparently writing for 48 hours and expecting to be able to see clearly is misplaced judgment, and trying to go running on top of this will leave you with heart palpitations, or a severe case of hypochondria. A constant sense of nausea was experienced whilst writing my dissertation, and my first final exam. 10, 342 words later and I realized that life wine does return after the dissertation; but unfortunately not for Mary Wollstonecraft, who would have been 254 years old this week. In waving off the biggest project of my life so far (and promising not to bore you all anymore), I wondered; why does jealousy still occur?
I would be lying if I said I never get jealous, as would you. I am sorry for my dissertation-stress induced irrationality. What is difficult to understand however, is why humans still experience jealousy despite rational thought process? We are educated enough to understand why we get jealous; it almost always comes back to a problem we have with ourselves. Despite knowing that I needed to do my dissertation, and knowing that I would and could do my dissertation; I experienced irrational jealousy of anybody who had completed a dissertation. Jealousy always has its moment, and as soon as you’ve solved your own problem you’ve forgotten why you experienced it. Any magazine will tell you that in order to get over jealousy, you must accept yourself/your flaws or change yourself/your actions. This does not stop jealousy, as jealousy is an irrational emotion of human nature; is it there to help us improve ourselves, or merely to protect us from feeling inadequate? It is easier to act on the effects of jealousy than to put the effort into sorting out our own happiness. Perhaps jealousy is a temporary coping mechanism, with enhanced effects to help us feel better? It doesn’t feel good to be jealous; you’re only left feeling guilty/horrible. Can we beat jealousy? I will only know this if Paolo Nutini decides to get married, and I will report back.
In accepting that humans are only human, I will endeavor to pick up on the positive this week. With the ever-continuing search for funding and two examinations to go, I must remain disciplined and stop talking so much. In revising the Atlantic Slave Trade and Political Violence in Europe during the 20th century, I can only hope to remain sane next week. Remember to take breaks during revision so you do not end up crying in the library; food, drink and sleep are equally important. If revision gets bad, there will be a water slide on Park Street tomorrow; hi-jack this and deal with the consequences later.
N.B. Tickets have already been given out and for this reason I am experiencing inevitable jealousy.